💕 THE QUEST 💕

Portfolio Manager Seeks Beautiful Single Dentist

A Modern Love Story: Where Financial Planning Meets Dental Hygiene

CURRENTLY ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS

Why a Dentist? A Treatise

🦷

Superior Hand-Eye Coordination

If you can navigate a molar with a drill, you can navigate life's challenges. Also, parallel parking will never be an issue.

💰

Financial Compatibility

Portfolio Manager + Dentist = Power Couple Financial Synergy. Combined household income potential: Substantial. Understanding of investment principles: Likely strong. Ability to afford Heidi's premium treats: Guaranteed.

🧠

Intelligence & Education

Dental school is no joke. Someone who can memorize all 32 teeth AND remember our anniversary? That's the dream.

😁

Perfect Smile Guaranteed

Dating a dentist means dating someone with objectively excellent teeth. Every photo together will be Instagram-worthy.

⏰

Schedule Compatibility

Dentists work during business hours. No overnight shifts. No weekend emergencies (usually). More time for Heidi snuggles.

🩺

Healthcare Professional

Medical knowledge, steady hands, compassionate nature. Plus, free dental cleanings for life. (Is that romantic? We think so.)

The Ideal Match: A Profile

📋 Basic Requirements

  • ✅ DDS, DMD, or equivalent dental degree
  • ✅ Currently licensed and practicing
  • ✅ Single and ready to mingle
  • ✅ Beautiful (subjective, but you know it when you see it)
  • ✅ Appreciates wiener dogs (non-negotiable)
  • ✅ Comfortable with boyfriend who talks about portfolio diversification at dinner
  • ✅ Located in or willing to relocate to Charlotte, NC area

⭐ Bonus Points For:

  • 🌟 Owns a dachshund (instant connection with Heidi)
  • 🌟 Enjoys discussing compound interest over coffee
  • 🌟 Finds dental puns genuinely funny
  • 🌟 Can explain the difference between porcelain and composite veneers
  • 🌟 Appreciates a good spreadsheet
  • 🌟 Active lifestyle (runs, yoga, or professionally judges Heidi's agility)
  • 🌟 Sense of humor about being on this website
  • 🌟 Understanding that Heidi is not "just a dog" - she's Chief Emotional Officer

❤️ What Dennis Offers

  • 💼 Stable career managing $677B in assets (at firm level)
  • 🎓 UNC Kenan-Flagler Business School education
  • 📍 Based in beautiful Charlotte, NC
  • 🐕 Package deal includes world's best wiener dog (Heidi)
  • 💰 Excellent understanding of tax-advantaged retirement accounts
  • 🏠 Responsible adult who owns furniture and matching dishes
  • ❤️ Loyal, kind, and probably pretty funny
  • 🌭 Will always defend wiener dogs in any dog breed debate
  • 📊 Can create a compelling PowerPoint about our future together

💘 Compatibility Calculator 💘

Answer these critical questions to determine your compatibility score!

1. How do you feel about wiener dogs?

2. What's your take on dental puns?

3. Ideal Friday night?

4. Your dental specialty is:

📝 Official Application Form

If you've made it this far, you're either genuinely interested or have an excellent sense of humor. Either way, we're intrigued.

❓ Frequently Asked Questions

Is this serious?

About 73% serious. Dennis genuinely would love to meet a beautiful single dentist. The website is 100% satirical, but the sentiment is real. Love finds you in mysterious ways, sometimes through humorous homage websites.

Why specifically a dentist?

Compatibility, shared values around healthcare and helping people, professional stability, excellent hand-eye coordination, and let's be honest - dentists are underrated catches in the dating market.

What if I'm not a dentist?

Dental hygienist? Orthodontic assistant? Dental school student? We're flexible. The key qualities are: compassionate, intelligent, likes dogs, tolerates financial talk. If that's you, the "dentist" part is more guidelines than actual rules.

Does Heidi really get final approval?

Absolutely. Heidi is an excellent judge of character. If she doesn't like you, it's not going to work. But don't worry - she likes most people. Especially people with treats.

What's the catch?

No catch! Just a normal guy with an abnormal website about him made by an AI assistant. Dennis is a real portfolio manager at Dimensional Fund Advisors in Charlotte. The quest for love is universal.

Can I share this website?

Please do! If you know a beautiful single dentist in the Charlotte area (or anywhere, really), send them this link. Or if you ARE that beautiful single dentist, well... hello there. 👋